We’re diving deep into Valentine’s Day this month because it’s a holiday that I always looked forwards towards as a child. The Valentines Day parties in class, receiving a fun valentines day cards, and all the chocolate. Tommy and I are honesty not that into this Hallmark holiday in regards to buying each other huge gifts, going to some fancy dinner, etc. Instead we enjoy creating little Valentine’s basket for the kids, eating too much candy, and hanging out on the sofa. I would say we typically keep it low-key.
When Tommy and I first got married, our counselor highly recommended us to read and understand “The 5 Love Languages” book. What is your love language? What makes you feel the most loved? Is it when someone gives you gifts, tells you they love you, acts of service, a big hug, or one on one time?
My children are all so different and have different love languages. Children want to be more loved than anything and that’s something I strive towards daily. There have been times where I could tell didn’t feel loved (mostly on days where they get in trouble) and it’s understanding what they need the most from Tommy and I to feel that unconditional love.
The 5 love languages are:
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: Sharing words that make that person feel happy; “I love you”, “I’m proud of you”, “You’re doing great today”, etc. It could be writing them a card or text as well. Some sort of communication.
ACTS OF SERVICE: Doing things for or with your children like, packing them lunch, cleaning their room, getting their clothes ready for school, giving them a bath, etc. These are things that as parents we do daily but it’s going out of the way like getting them water at midnight when they are thirsty.
PHYSICAL TOUCH: Exactly how it sounds. This can be giving your child hugs, kisses, scratching their back, massaging their feet, etc.
GIFTS: Gifts are always exciting but is it your child’s love language? Or is it something they don’t expect unless it’s a holiday and birthday? Gifts can also be a t-shirt, phonebook, ice cream, or a hand written card.
QUALITY TIME: This can be one on one time, a family road trip, a dedicated night playing board games, etc. Quality time can be made with multiple children or individual children.
Easton’s love language would have to be “Words of Affirmation”. He wants to know that we love him, that he’s doing a great job, and that we’re there for him. With Easton, he has been through so much and what he wants more than anything is to be surrounded by love. We’ve been working on that physical touch side of him because he isn’t much of a hugger but we know he would like to be since everyone else in the house is big on physical touch.
Liam’s love language would have to be “Quality Time”. Ever since Liam had his brother and sister come into his life, he craves that one on one time more than anything. He has expressed to us multiple times that he just wants “me and mom” or “me, mom, and dad time”. We try to give him that one on one time once every 2 weeks but it is difficult.
Chloe’s love language is a combination of “Acts of Services” and “Physical Touch”. She is always grateful about us getting her a snack, food, her toys, etc. Chloe is also a child that always wants to be held, hold hands, or laid next to. Those hugs are her favorite and we know that because she usually responds with an “I love you”.
It’s important to understand and acknowledge your child’s love language because you may go out and buy all these gifts for them when in reality, a hug can show much more love than all the gifts in the words. With my children, they are growing so fast and their love languages have changed as time has passed. Liam’s use to be gifts but now that he sees that he shares his parents, it’s quality time for him that matters the most.